I screwed up

My moment of Zen this morning

     So last weekend was St. Patrick's Day, so of course I indulged a little. (Jello shots ARE gluten free though!) But my big screw up of the weekend was a pot roast sammich I had last night after my soccer game. I saw the omelette on the menu. I could have asked to not have the pancake batter added to my eggs. I am sure it would have been delicious. But that pot roast sammy looked so damn good. A full days serving of calories and enough fat to last a week. However I had not had anything to eat other then a handful of nuts all day, due to an over consumption of the gluten free jello shots mentioned earlier. So it was justified in my calorie and carb starved brain. And you know what? I don't feel guilty. Not a single bit. That sandwich was delicious! I enjoyed every single bite and I don't regret it. Sure I had some problems digesting it (I will spare you all such details) but I don't feel bad about my choice. I have 'dieted' so many times, and can remember the remorse and self depreciation I would have indulged in after indulging in times past. But not today. Today I know that I am a sum of my collective choices, words, thoughts, and actions. Eating a roast beast sammy is not worth my worry. I choose to not beat myself up over one meal today.
     I mention this because I know that people beat themselves up for the littlest most insignificant things. Did you yell at your kids? Make a degrading comment to a co worker or partner? Yes? Oh shit! You are human. Join the club. Make amends and move on. Battling chronic depression for years opened my eyes to see how these worms get in our ears and erode the way we see ourselves. Everyone gets the nasty messages, depression has to do with your ability to process the messages. Kinda.
     Anyway, the point I want to make today is: take it easy on yourself. You are most likely judging and talking to yourself harsher then you need too. Man up and take responsibility for what you do, but don't beat yourself up in the process. You will never make any meaningful change for someone you don't love and care about. It really does start with you loving yourself. Really.

     As for an update as to how I am progressing, I totally felt better playing soccer last night!! Aside from not having an appropriate bra, I felt good! No women were available to sub, so I played a little longer then I should have. There is such a thing as getting your heartrate too high. Now that I know this I wont work myself so hard next time. But I found a limit, and that is a good thing! Still sold on going gluten free, and I have been thinking about taking milk out. But I have some awesome recipes I am making this week! Black bean and quinoa salad from Whole Life Nutrition is on the list (a great healthy recipe blog) as well as some nut/coconut/date/cranberry bars I will be attempting for the first time! I will post pictures and recipes when I make them. 

     I hope you all have a great week and don't forget to love yourself.